im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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