Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
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So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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