She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
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You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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