It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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