You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
