this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Come see our sink grown plant.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Randomize
