yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
