did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
