oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
