I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
