i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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