Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
