If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
