so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Is it because I queefed?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The beer is more important than you right now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
