it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sorry my hands just texted you
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
