so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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