I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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