Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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