Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
