i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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