I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
