all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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