We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
