So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
