He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
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The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
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I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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