The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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