I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
