brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
