My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
