You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
