pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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