There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
