Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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