there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
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I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
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My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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