I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
do nipples grow back?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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