cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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