we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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