so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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