I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
