I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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