she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
