i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
