WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
