Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
