Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
