She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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