i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
