im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
