On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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