There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
