So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
this is an emotional support booty call
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
