All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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