apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
