did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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