True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
