Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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