Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
