ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
