I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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