The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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