Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she peed on how many people?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
