I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
