Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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