he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
