the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
