everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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