shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
