worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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