I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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