All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
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Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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