i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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