i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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