I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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