My first STD was from a foam party
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
