I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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