I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
