I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
