im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
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Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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