I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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