if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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