Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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